'I have no patience for my ADHD child'- advice for parents

Parenting can leave you ragged at the best of times, but caring for a child with ADHD can be even more challenging. 

Children with ADHD can be impulsive, emotional and extremely energetic, which means parenting them can be a rollercoaster. It can feel that you're on edge every day and waiting for the next meltdown or problem to hit. 

Here are some helpful ways to cope better and manage your stress levels:

Use praise

The more your child can understand what behaviour is acceptable and that they'll receive praise, the better their behaviour is likely to be. 

Because children with ADHD often get told 'no', a good counterpoint to that is to hear lots of praise for the things they do right. Look for the good things they do, no matter how small, and praise them for it. 

Stay calm

This can be extremely difficult at times, but the calmer you are the more likely it is that things don't escalate. Children with ADHD struggle with impulsivity and therefore are unable to control certain behaviours. Therefore, when they are admonished for that behaviour, it leads to the negativity being internalised, but they can't change. This can then lead to low self-esteem. 

When dealing with a difficult situation, try to take a step back and breathe. This helps you to regulate yourself before you overreact or shout. Remind yourself that their behaviour will often be caused by ADHD, so keep your reactions with that in mind.

Change how you talk to your child about their ADHD

Children with ADHD often hear more negative talk than positive- they can be thought of as problematic, angry or overly energetic. Even if you don't use those terms, your child can still get the impression that they are a pain. 

Instead, talk up your child's good points- for example their curiosity, sense of humour and care for others. This fosters a more positive home environment and keeps your child's many good points in the forefront of your mind.

Break tasks down into manageable chunks

Your child might find it hard to follow more than one instruction at a time, or find a piece of homework overwhelming. 

Make life easier for both of you by breaking tasks down. So for example, when getting ready for school in the morning you could ask them to brush their teeth, and then once they've completed that task, ask them to pack their lunch. 

For homework or reading, try creating movement breaks every 10 minutes or so- so 10 minutes of homework/ revision/ reading and then a few minutes to move around or take their mind off the task. 

This technique can help both of you stay calm and avoid tears and meltdowns. 

Look after yourself

You can't pour from an empty cup! Take a little time every day to give yourself some respite, and do whatever fills your reserves of energy back up again. Whether that's having 30 minutes to curl up and read a book every evening, or a short dog walk at lunchtime in the sunshine, build in moments for yourself.

Don't beat yourself up for not handling certain situations perfectly- there are no rehearsals for being a parent and it's a learn-as-you-go situation. Give yourself some grace and accept that some times will be hard, and you're doing the best you can.