Nightmares in children: how to help

Nightmares are a very normal part of growing up and help us to develop a healthy imagination. In fact, around a quarter of children have at least one nightmare a week. They can be triggered by big periods of change such as losing a grandparent, moving schools or parents separating. Even as adults, stress in our daily lives can surface in the form of nightmares. However, when we wake up we feel the relief of knowing it was just a bad dream. The difference is that for nightmares in children they cannot tell the difference between a dream or reality.

What's the best way to deal with a nightmare?

Our parenting experts say that cuddles and reassuring words are the best tactic for toddler nightmares. You can also help your child to settle back to sleep with a comforter, cuddly friend or a soothing story. A dim amber or orange glow light can also help if they are afraid of the dark.

What if your child has the same recurring nightmare?

A great tip here is to take charge of the nightmare so it is no longer threatening. The next day you could treat the nightmare as a story they are in charge of, and think up a happy ending. If the pesky monster keeps coming back, you could turn it into a ridiculous character. Draw funny monster pictures with them and make up silly monster songs so it is no longer threatening. Remember how Sully – the “top scarer” at Pixar’s Monsters Inc is revealed to be kind hearted and a great friend? You can turn any nightmare on its head with a bit of imagination.

What causes nightmares in children?

It’s worth considering what your children are exposed to throughout the day- even if they don’t seem to be paying attention to it. Children can overhear conversations between adults, pick up on news bulletins or see things online that could actually be quite frightening. In particular think about what kind of content they are seeing on screens close to bedtime.

During the daytime – not just before bed – ask your child about things that are worrying them and really listen. Younger children can draw their worries and older children might like to write about them in a journal. This helps them to process their fears.

Teenage nightmares

When it comes to teens consider their health and lifestyle - medicine, alcohol, and drugs can all disrupt sleep. Trauma and stress from life events at home and school are also triggers. Try to keep the channels of communication open and be interested in what is going on for them.

The Spurgeons parenting team also suggest encouraging teens to get regular exercise during the day – but avoid doing so just before bed. Also, watching horror films or violent video games close to bedtime can cause nightmares as well as make it difficult to get to sleep in the first place. So try to encourage them to find other ways to switch off before going to sleep. Reading a few pages of a book is a good tactic to try.

Night terrors in toddlers

Finally a little note about night terrors, which are different to nightmares. Nightmares occur in REM sleep which is at the end of a sleep cycle, and a child will usually wake up and remember the dream. When a child is experiencing a night terror they might scream and thrash about, or even get out of bed. Their eyes will be open but they will not be awake and will not remember it.

This can be very distressing for parents and caregivers, and you may instinctively want to wake them up. However, the key is to try to stay calm and not to talk to them or try to wake them. If they are having a night terror at the same time every night you could try to wake them 15 minutes beforehand for a week. This can sometimes break the pattern.

If you are still concerned, make an appointment with your GP to rule out any medical problems that may be causing sleep disturbances.

Sweet dreams!

To find out more about healthy sleep for kids, click here.