Smacking: why is it bad and what are the alternatives?

When your child won't listen it can be incredibly frustrating. You may be tempted to resort to smacking, but it can make matters worse and create other issues. 

Let's not sugarcoat it: parenting is tough. There can be times when your patience is tested and your nerves are frayed. In those fractious moments, it can be hard to keep your cool.

Smacking used to be normalised, but these days it is banned in many countries and children's charities and professionals are urging for a blanket ban in the UK, too. 

Is it legal to smack a child in the UK?

Smacking is completely banned in Scotland and Wales, and the law in the UK is murky. While smacking is illegal, section 58 of the Children Act cites that 'reasonable punishment' is allowed. Each case is treated individually.

Most parenting experts agree that smacking is damaging for children and continue to campaign for a change to the law.

Why is smacking bad?

Smacking has been found to negatively affect children in the following ways:

• hitting your child can result in them being injured
• it also causes children to feel humiliated
• your child may no longer feel safe with you
• smacking your child teaches that violence is ok
• it also affects their mental health. 

What are the alternatives to smacking?

There are a number of parenting tactics you can use to calm difficult parenting situations rather than resort to smacking:

Troubleshoot the problem

Is your child acting up due to being tired, hungry or needing some quiet? Try offering these before things escalate. 

Have a 'time out'

When things are spiralling, put your child in a quiet place for 5 minutes to calm down. This could be sitting on a low stair for a younger child, or older kids can go to their room. Walk away to allow your child to emotionally regulate again. 

Children over the age of 8 may respond to having a self-soothe box to calm themselves- check out our guide. 

Talk it out

Once your child has calmed, have a chat in a quiet place with no distractions, and explain why their behaviour was unacceptable. 

Give clear instructions

Help your child do as you ask by getting specific with your requests, for example, say 'please put your clothes in the drawer', rather than 'don't leave clothes on the floor'.

Praise good behaviour

The more you praise your child's positive choices, the more likely they are to lean towards continued good behaviour than bad. 

Make a list of family rules and display it

Sit together and create a poster of family rules to stick up for all to see. This might include 'we speak to each other nicely', 'we clean up our mess', or 'we always help each other.' This sets in stone that these are the rules of the family and must be adhered to. 

Take care of yourself

Parenting can be full of joy, but it can be difficult to cope with at times. Try to notice when you're feeling overwhelmed and take steps to feel better. You could try different things to see what works for you- perhaps a walk in nature, meditation, listening to music or reading. Aim to grab a little time for yourself every day- even if it's only 15 minutes.