House rules help children and teens know what is expected of them, as well as encouraging them to become responsible young adults.
Rules benefit everyone in the family as they create boundaries. Children learn through rules that crossing those boundaries results in an unwanted consequence.
They also help everyone in the family to get along better and work together as a team.
How to create house rules for kids or teenagers
It's important to involve your child in the making of rules for your home. If they feel like they have a say it creates a positive feeling about the rules and they will be more willing to follow them.
To get started, sit the family down together with paper and pens. Start a discussion about ideas for rules.
Some discussion points could be:
- Rules around politeness, respect, kindness and giving others privacy
- Rules about cleaning up after themselves, helping with chores, or completing homework before gaming
- Rules for technology and devices- e.g. no mobile phones at the dinner table, no phones at night time, or always replying if contacted by parents via call or text
- Agreeing to resolve family conflicts in the moment, and listening to others' opinions
- Being considerate of other's feelings and needs.
Tips for creating house rules:
- Avoid making too many rules. 3-5 is enough. Too many will be difficult to follow
- Get specific with exactly the behaviour you desire to see, for example 'I will be polite to my brothers' rather than 'I am kind'
- When you've put the rules on paper, stick them up where everyone can see them, e.g. on the fridge door
- Make sure you model the behaviour you want to see from your child/ children
- Praise them for sticking to rules and reward their efforts.
What to do if a house rule is broken
House rules will be broken from time to time. Young people push boundaries as a way of trying out their independence as they grow up.
If a house rule is broken in the first instance, you could warn them about the rules and that there will be a consequence next time. Make sure that consequences suit the rule. So for example, if your child failed to let you know before going out with a friend, you could tell them the consequence is that they cannot go out with their friend tomorrow. Likewise, if your child takes their phone to bed, they may not be allowed their phone after school the following day.
Reviewing house rules for kids over time
As your child grows up your house rules will need reviewing from time to time to make sure they're still age-appropriate. To do this you can repeat the same family meeting as before to make new ones. Involve your child in selecting new rules, and praise them for their success in sticking to the previous ones.
