If your child is self-harming, you may be feeling helpless and anxious. It can be difficult to know what to do.
Self-harm statistics in the UK
It is estimated that between 1 in 3 to 1 in 5 children self-harm. This staggering number has risen in line with an overall deterioration in the mental health of young people in recent years.
Self-harm often occurs along with other mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety.
Why do children self-harm?
When young people self-harm, they are often expressing some kind of emotional pain. They may not know why they feel distressed, or they may be fully aware of what is upsetting them.
Contributing factors may include:
- low self-esteem
- bullying
- school stress
- friendship problems
- relationship problems (either romantic or family)
- identity confusion (gender or sexuality).
Self-harm often provides the young person with a feeling of relief, or a sense of control over their lives.
How do children self-harm?
Self-harm can involve cutting, burning or scratching the skin, or hitting themselves. Any method of causing damage or pain counts as self-harm.
What to do if your child is self-harming
You may be angry or frustrated at first that your child is self-harming, but telling them off will only amplify the shame that they feel.
Instead, approach it with concern and looking to support. Aim to find the cause or causes of the self-harm and address those together. You will need a professional to support you in this, so in the first instance contact your GP. They can tell you about the local services that can help.
Our self-harm safety plan is free to download and helps you and your child make a plan together to keep them safe. It includes self-care strategies, ways to identify triggers, and ideas for self-reflection that may help stop self-harming.
How to cope if your child is self-harming
Even with gaining an understanding about what may be causing your child's self-harm, coping with it as a parent can be difficult.
If you experience feelings of guilt, try to be kind to yourself. Remind yourself of all the ways that you are for there your child and support them.
If you are feeling anxious and afraid, that's normal. There are healthy ways to manage those feelings, which include spending 5-10 minutes doing some mindful breathing. Our box breathing video is great for relaxation- just follow along.
Alternatively, print off our free gratitude journal. This simple practise encourages you to look for the positives day to day and helps offset feelings of anxiety or sadness.
Lastly, look for pockets of time where you can have some time for you. Even half an hour doing something you enjoy can make a big difference to your overall wellbeing. You could indulge your hobbies and interests, spend some time in nature, or just relax and watch tv.
For more general information on self-harm, check out our guide to self-harm for parents.
