It can sometimes be difficult to know what to do when you suspect that your child is being bullied. Here's advice from our parenting team on how to help with bullying:

Talk about friendship

Talking regularly with children from a young age about what makes a good friend - and crucially what doesn’t - can help them to understand what constitutes bullying. It can also enable them to spot when bullying is occurring to others around them.

It can be challenging for children and young people, especially teenagers, to figure out who their good friends are. It is important that your child feels that they can be themselves around their friends and has the confidence to say no to them. This is a test of a good friendship.

Top tip: Chat to your child about the values of kindness, respect and acceptance and how characters in their favourite books and TV shows relate to their friends. Ask them what behaviours they find unacceptable and what advice would they give to a friend about how to deal with a bully.

Listen calmly

When you first discover the bullying, listen to your child and find out what's been happening. Stay calm and allow your child to lead the conversation, so they can open up in their own time. Bear in mind that talking about their experiences might feel humiliating at first and they will be feeling quite vulnerable.

Children can be reluctant to speak up for fear of being labelled a ‘snitch’ and making the bullying worse. Show that you understand their concern but explain that ignoring bullying won’t actually make it go away. Present them with a new option – that together you will tackle the problem. Reassure them that you will keep them informed of what actions you plan to take so they know what is going to happen next.

If they aren’t ready to talk don’t give up. Try again another day or write them a letter or text to let them know you love them and are there to listen.

Top tip: Try opening the conversation up whilst doing an activity like driving or washing up which can be less confronting.

Girl looking at her phone while two others girls snigger at her in the background

Take away self-blame

It’s important to reassure your child that they are not to blame for what is happening. Although it may feel personal or make them feel bad, it is not their decisions or actions that have caused the bullying. It is the bully who is at fault not the victim- making this clear can be useful for your child in understanding how to deal with bullies.

How to deal with a bully at school

It is a good idea to familiarise yourself with the school’s anti-bullying policy which should be available on its website.

Keep a log of when issues occur, who is involved and whether there were any witnesses. Screenshot any messages that have been sent to your child and photograph any evidence of injuries or damage to property. This will make details more accurate and can be used as evidence when explaining to the school.

Arrange a meeting with the school to talk about the bullying. If you feel worried about the meeting ask whether you can bring a friend or another family member with you for support. Take your notes along with you and follow up with an email confirming what actions have been agreed

Don’t give up. Keep reporting it and if you aren’t happy with the response escalate to a more senior member of staff or the school governors.

Support your child’s wellbeing

Right now your child needs the reassurance that they are loved and supported. Dedicating one-to-one time with them during this difficult time helps to strengthen your bond and build their self-esteem. Be sure to let them choose the activities they enjoy so they can truly be themselves.

Encourage them to also try out new activities and hobbies in a bid to find new things they like- this can be a great way to build self-esteem. 

Ways to help your child find calm

Being bullied can be a traumatic experience. Here are some free resources that can help your child find a sense of calm: