Parenting can be tough. Your child may be difficult to handle at times, and the stress of the responsibility can be a lot to bear. It's natural and normal to feel negatively about your child's difficult behaviour, so don't beat yourself up. It doesn't mean you have failed as a parent, or that things can't improve.
'I can't cope with my child's behaviour'
If you feel this way you are not alone. Aim to look after yourself and not feel bad for how you feel. Try to talk to your partner, a relative or a friend about what you are experiencing- it can help to share how you feel.
You can also speak to the staff at your child's nursery, or their school teacher, to find out how their behaviour is in that environment.
If you feel that your child's behaviour is affecting your mental health, speak to your GP.
Help with child behaviour- tips to use at home:
Consider where the behaviour may be coming from
Often, difficult behaviour can be caused by your child feeling a certain way. Possible reasons might include:
-hunger
-tiredness
-overstimulation (in need of quiet time)
-feeling upset
-feeling overwhelmed.
Look to identify what your child may be feeling, based on what's been happening today and what their need might be.
For example, a tantrum can be a way of your child expressing that they are upset or angry.
Aim to find solutions
If your child seems overwhelmed and overstimulated, they might benefit from some 1-1 time with you doing a quiet, relaxing activity. If your child seems to have surplus energy, try taking them to the park for 30 minutes to burn it off. If they seem tired, try a nap or give them the chance to rest for a while.
Talk to your child
Sometimes you can help your child's difficult behaviour by talking to them. Ask them how they're feeling, or how you can help. Talking can also help when they're upset about certain things. For example, if your child is acting out because they don't want to put their coat on to go to the park, explain to them that they must wear their coat so that they don't get cold while playing.
Being patient can be difficult when dealing with stressful behaviour, but it can help later on as they learn from listening to you.
Be clear about consequences
Children learn from consequences. If they purposely break something, for example, then that item won't be there anymore. In the same way, you can teach your child about what will happen if they break rules.
You can start teaching your child about consequences from an early age. You can start with simple things like 'if you empty your toy box out you must refill it again when you've finished playing.'
If behaviour gets more challenging as your child grows, you can set consequences for breaking rules you have set- e.g. ;if you don't come home in time for dinner then you won't be allowed out so late tomorrow.'
Always make sure the consequence directly relates to the broken rule, and that you are consistent and fair.
Celebrate positive behaviour
Look for the positive things your child does and praise them! This helps build their self-esteem and look to gain more positive comments from you. The positive things they do needn't be major- it could be as small as remembering to bring their plate out to the kitchen after dinner.
Rewards
Another good incentive for positive behaviour is providing rewards. For primary aged children a reward chart is a great way to encourage them. Decide on what specific thing you want them to work towards- it could be getting ready for school on time, or turning off the PlayStation when you've asked them to. Make the reward chart last a week and if they are successful provide them with a small treat, perhaps a trip to the park with their friend.
Older children can work towards rewards too. You could suggest something like: 'if you practice your drumming for 15 minutes every day this week you can have your friend over on Saturday'.
Try to not overreact
This can be very difficult when dealing with overwhelming parenting situations. Try to take some deep breaths, or say to your child that you need a break for a few minutes to calm down if they are over 10. When things are heated it can help if you try to remove the fight/flight signals in your brain and respond from a place of calm.
Where can I get help with my child's behaviour?
If you are struggling with behaviour, our family support service may be able to help you. Our team provide families with helpful techniques and strategies to make parenting easier.
