Play fighting: why do children like rough and tumble play?

Many children enjoy play fighting- but why? And what can you do when play fighting becomes real fighting?

Why children enjoy rough play

Play fighting, or rough and tumble play, might involve wrestling, fighting with pretend swords, or rolling around. It's a natural behaviour for kids, and it's fun! 

Rough play helps children develop their social skills, learn about boundaries and their relationships with others. It also helps them burn off energy, release tension and understand their body strength. 

So, don't be alarmed if your children play fight with each other- just keep an eye to ensure it stays fun and doesn't become unpleasant.

How can you tell play fighting from aggression?

If the laughing has stopped and you're witnessing more aggressive play, it's time to end the rough housing. 

You might be able to see that the tone has shifted a little and that one child is displaying more bully-like behaviour towards the other. 

Rough play can sometimes become aggressive almost by accident- for example, if one child hurts another child during the play fighting, the second child might react angrily. 

In the moment, you can handle this by gently separating both children and asking them to sit down a few metres away from each other while they calm down. Stay close and if one is upset, comfort them. If one child became aggressive, when they are calmer they can be encouraged to apologise to the other child and use 'kind hands' when playing next time. 

Play fighting rules

To teach healthy behaviour during play fights, you could try making a short list of rules that the children must follow. You might include:

• Stop if I get hurt
• Be gentle enough so that we don't hurt each other
• If I'm not having fun anymore we stop
• If I feel aggressive I stop play fighting
• If I hurt someone I apologise.

Remember that childhood is about learning from mistakes and that play fighting might still get out of hand sometimes. However, making rules helps teach children about healthy play and healthy boundaries, and they can be reminded of them when necessary. 

Rough play at different ages

Play fighting evolves as children grow. They enjoy moving their bodies, and this starts at the baby stage, when they laugh at being bounced on your knee. 

Toddlers love running around and chasing each other, crawling around or having fun at soft play. Sometimes toddlers can get annoyed with each other and occasionally hit- if this happens remind them to use 'kind hands' with others. 

Primary aged children love to roll around, chase each other and be physically active with other kids. Again, at times this may get too rough and upset one of the children involved. Empower your child by encouraging them to speak up when they are not enjoying the rough housing, and tell them that they can ask the other child to stop.