Separation anxiety in babies and toddlers

Separation anxiety in babies and toddlers is very common. If your little one cries when you leave them or wants to be with you constantly, chances are they have separation anxiety.

Why do small children get separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety occurs when a baby or toddler realises that they depend on you to care for them. Until that point, your child may have been happier to be without you near constantly. 

Your baby may not feel safe without you within sight. As they discover the world around them they might feel afraid and want to ensure you are near. New people might feel threatening, also, even if you are in the room. 

Dealing with separation anxiety

It can be upsetting and difficult to see your child distressed, and you might feel guilty about having to leave them. Remember that separation anxiety is a natural stage for babies to go through, and is actually evidence of a deep bond between you. 

Your baby will come to learn that when you leave you always come back. When they are old enough to understand, you can explain that you will be back soon whenever you leave them. If feelings of guilt creep in, remember that learning to be without you is an important part of your child's growth and development. 

Tips for handling separation anxiety

• Begin with short breaks as a start for your little one to get used to. You could try leaving them with another family member for 15 minutes, for example. Over time, they will learn that you will always return.
• Eventually, try leaving your baby or toddler in a less familiar setting or with a less familiar person for a short spell. 
• Leave something with them that will bring them comfort. This could be an item of yours- something that smells of you. 
• When saying goodbye, aim to be positive and smiley, even if your child is upset. This helps to reassure them that there is nothing to be sad about. 
• When you come back to them, continue being positive, so that they relate your absence with everything being ok.
• You can talk to your toddler about what you'll do later when you come back. This helps put a positive spin on things. 
• Even if you feel sad or guilty when leaving your child, remember that they need to learn that being separate from you will be ok- they're learning a necessary lesson. 
• If the separation anxiety is persistent for a long time or extreme, ask for advice from your GP or health visitor.