Signs of self-harm

Mental health in under 18's is unfortunately poorer than ever; self-harm hospital admissions are up 22% in recent years and anxiety and depression are widespread. Knowing the signs of self-harm helps parents be aware of what to look out for.

What is self-harm?

Self-harm is the act of intentionally hurting or injuring oneself. Different types of self-harm can include:

• Cutting 
• Burning
• Biting
• Hitting
• Pulling out hair
• Banging head against a wall.

Why do young people self-harm?

Self-harm can seem alarming to parents, but it is a behaviour that helps relieve stress, pressure, and other difficult feelings. It is a way of coping, but is an unhealthy, risky behaviour that needs to be overcome to avoid long-term consequences.

In terms of what causes self-harm, it can be a variety of issues including bullying, struggling at school, depression or anxiety, or feeling out of control or lonely.

What are the signs of self-harm?

Often those who self-harm look to cover up or conceal it. The following are signs that your child may be hurting themselves:

• unexplained cuts, marks, bruises and injuries
• keeping covered up even in warm conditions (e.g. by wearing a long sleeved top on a hot day)
• owning objects used for self-harm, such as blades, pins, a lighter
• frequent injuries
• withdrawing from family/ isolating themselves
• changes in mood
• hair loss.

The self-harm cycle

Why do young people get hooked on self-harm? The reason for this is the self-harm cycle. 

The self-harm cycle explains how young people (and adults) can get stuck in repeated self-harming. 

Struggling with emotions sometimes gets to the point where it can become overwhelming and distressing. This is when self-harming can start. Because the act of self-harm releases a feeling of relief, it can feel like a helpful action to take to relieve distress. 

However, the way a person who self-harm feels after they have hurt themselves isn't usually positive. Once the feelings of overwhelm and panic that caused the self-harm have dissipated, feelings of shame and upset often take their place. This then feeds back into feeling overwhelmed emotionally, and the cycle continues repeatedly. 

Overcoming self-harm- how to help your child

You might feel helpless and concerned if you discover that your child is self-harming, however your support can help. 

• Firstly, offer emotional support. Let them know you are there to talk whenever they wish. It might be hard for them to talk aloud about what they're going through- they might prefer to talk to you via text message. 
• Avoid judgement or anger towards them. Instead aim to listen and reassure them that they are safe to be honest with you about what they are going through. 
• Focus on what's causing the self-harm. What is causing them to feel distressed and like they want to hurt themselves? Look to tackle the root of the problem.
• Ask them how they feel you can helpful and there for them. 
• If there are serious injuries, take them straight to A&E. 
• See your family GP. They may be able to refer your child on to local mental health services or offer support or medication. 
• Try our self-harm safety plan. Filling in the template with your child provides them with a plan that helps them avoid self-harming and find alternative ways to self-soothe. 
• Help them build their confidence by trying out new hobbies, sports, or writing a list of all of the things they are good at and do well. 

Counselling with Spurgeons

We offer counselling sessions for children and teenagers. Our registered therapists work with all ages of children to help them find relief from what is distressing them, and provide them with tools to manage their feelings and cope. To find out more about our counselling, click here.