The teenage years are typically when first romantic relationships occur. Navigating the choppy waters of young love can be tricky- here’s how to help your youngster with teenage relationships.
Teenage brains, hormones and first love
Teen feelings and relationships can be more intense than for adults. This is because adolescents are highly attuned to what others might be thinking of them, but also because the teenage brain is not yet fully formed. Falling in love is a big event at any age, but for teenagers their feelings can be even more difficult to manage.
Hormonal changes play a huge part in the intense feelings of attraction and falling in love. During puberty, the volume of hormones in children’s bodies rises dramatically and can trigger more negative and unpredictable moods. Feelings such as being ‘in love ’or ‘in lust ’are likely to be confused and confusing, even overwhelming for some.
Falling in love takes some getting used to for kids, with all the different emotions, mood swings, and desires. Nevertheless, through their teenage relationships, adolescents grow into adults as they learn about themselves and other people, gain experience in how to manage these feelings and develop the skills of intimacy.
How to help your teen
Teenage romance can be difficult for parents to know how to approach. Here’s some tips on how you can understand and talk to your child:
Communicate
It’s helpful to step out of your comfort zone as a parent. Teens require you to be open-minded. This creates an emotionally safe space for discussion, sharing and problem-solving. Talk to them about infatuation, romance and attraction.
Familiarise yourself with their significant others
Invite your child’s partner to your home often, and spend time getting to know them.
Reinforce healthy boundaries
Define clear boundaries of behaviour for your child. Make your expectations clear and emphasise your family values.
Make the rules clear
Set clear rules about outings with boyfriends/ girlfriends – who they are going out with, where to, and most importantly when they will return. Allow your child to negotiate fairly with you. Clearly state the non-negotiable rules.
Rule-breaking results in consequences
Be firm in enforcing the consequences of breaking rules. You could even let your child decide on the consequences they will have to face if they break them.
Avoid harsh punishments
They only serve to make the child even less connected with you and more dependent on their romantic relationship for comfort.
Show an interest in their relationships
Talk to your child when you find them getting close to a particular person and ask about what you like about them.
Be warm and open
Maintain a trusting and warm relationship with your child, as then it leaves little room for lies and sneaky plans. In fact, a strong parent-child relationship meets the child’s need for unconditional acceptance, attention, recognition, and appreciation. If these needs are not met at home, the child will easily respond to anyone else who makes them feel wanted and important. Try to avoid being critical of their friends/ romantic partners and aim to be forgiving of your child’s mistakes.
Respect is key
Teach your child about self-respect and their right to be respected; and why it’s important to pull away from a disrespectful relationship. Read more about what healthy relationships look like here.
Our healthy relationships wheel is a helpful tool that you may wish to share with your teenager so that they can use it to reflect on their teenage relationship and whether it seems positive for them.
