What does a healthy relationship look like?
While no relationship is perfect, your bond with your partner should always provide equality, respect, intimacy, support and give and take.
Both partners should also be open to improving things if there is a problem.
One question that can help you reflect on your relationship effectively is 'Is my relationship good for me?'. Consider how being with your partner makes you feel ; for example if in general you feel safe, loved and respected by your partner then your relationship on the whole likely makes you feel good.
If on the other hand, your relationship makes you feel anxious, insecure or bad about yourself, then it's probably not healthy. A relationship can become unhealthy for a number of reasons- including job or financial pressure, mental health concerns, caring for children. These difficulties that affect relationships can change over time and do not necessarily denote that something is wrong with the relationship itself.
However, if you feel that the connection between you has broken down, or you are regularly arguing, you may want to consider ways to improve things between you.
How to improve your relationship
Here are some ideas for how reignite the spark in your relationship and get things back on track:
Make time for just the two of you
When you're parents, you can end up putting all your focus on the kids and very little on your relationship. If you can, try to carve out time on your own, whether that be a date night once a week or turning the tv off in the evening and sharing a drink and some conversation together. Spending time on your own together without the children involved allows you to reconnect and remember why you are together.
Grab time for yourself, too
Burnout can affect your relationships with others. Spending pockets of time on an interest of your own, going for a solo walk or meeting up with friends can help, which can in turn take the pressure off your romantic relationship.
Compromise
Being together and muddling through daily life, it's easy to lose patience with each other and dig your heels in during disagreements. Compromise can do wonders to improve daily like. It's a sign of respect for your partner, and consideration of their needs.
Listen and share your feelings
Even if you're mad at your partner, aim to listen to and respect how they feel. When sharing your feelings, try to use 'I feel' statements rather than 'You are' statements- for example, 'I feel frustrated when I have pick clothes up every day' rather than 'You're always leaving your clothes everywhere!'. 'You are' statements sound more accusatory, and can inflame the discussion.
Talk to someone
There are dedicated counselling services available for couples, who can help you work through your issues and make your relationship healthier.