Listen to Spurgeons Family Support Workers Nicola, Jane and Kim, talk about helping your child get ready for school:

https://spurgeons.org/media/vngel015/school-readiness-spurgeons.mp3

School readiness – June 16th

Nicola: Hello and welcome. Today we're going to be talking about school readiness. And I wanted to really look at this conversation, in the sense of real families, what real families go through and what they're feeling. And today I've brought with me, Kim and Jane. Kim, you've worked in a school setting for some time, haven't you?

Kim: Yeah. I think I've been teaching for probably over twenty five years now, I've lost track. Um, I stopped and started a bit when I had, um, twins. So yes, I've taught in international schools and in UK state and private schools. My current role is part time and I'm teaching some French and some yoga and some French yoga together. I'm also a mental health coach for children and for teens, more recently trained to do that, as well as working my other part time of the week is, is with Spurgeons as a family practitioner to support families. So yeah.

Nicola: Thank you, Kim. And, Jane, would you like to introduce yourself?

Jane Williams: Yeah. So I'm Jane, Jane Williams. I come from an early years background. Um, so I've managed the preschool for, oh, crikey, about twenty years. Um, maybe twenty years plus, I lose track. Um, but yeah, so I've managed the preschool. I've taken a step back from that. Although I still do work within preschool in the afternoons, and my mornings are really concentrated on supporting parents and family work. Um, toddler groups, etc.

Nicola: Thank you very much, Jane, and I ought to say a bit about me, really, didn't I? So

Jane Williams: Yes.

Nicola: I'm a family practitioner with Spurgeons as well. I've been working for about eleven years now with families supporting them, and I think the three of us together have got some unique experiences that we can share and some advice that we can give to parents that are worried about getting their children ready for school. Um, and I was going to say to you really that, you know, parents often say to me, you know, not, not all children are the same, which is true. You know, some of them are born in August as an example. My daughter was, she was born twenty ninth of August. So she had to start school very, very early. Some children might be autistic, might have ADHD or other additional needs. Um, and children are, you know, all born with different kinds of strengths, um, different personality traits and things like that. And I wanted to really share with you some questions that I often hear from parents in my practice. And then I think we can explore between us what school really actually means. Um, so let me start with this question. Um, my, my child was born in August. They're one of the youngest and they're not anywhere near as mature as the other children. Are they really ready for school?

Jane Williams: I think that's, um, it's quite normal. I too had one of my children who was born in August, and I had the same kind of anxiety about him starting school and being the youngest. And he was so tiny, he felt so tiny. And I couldn't even find uniform to fit him. And I thought, he's just not going to cope in a big school with all these big kids, and he still likes to have a little nap in the afternoon. And how's he going to manage all that? Um, but actually, just because they're younger, it doesn't actually mean that they're not ready. And, um, I think the children just adapt and that they go in and, and he just, I didn't notice a big difference from him going and starting school to my daughter who was a September child. I know there is a, a lot of variance, um, with children with SEN and things, but I think the age thing, I think children soon adapt within school setting and they're already set up and geared for supporting the younger children.

Kim: I agree, Jane. Yeah. And one, one of my, my eldest is the same scenario. Right? At the end of August, she was born and she went to school a whole year before the rest of our NCT group. And I found that really hard. My daughter thrives. She had no problem with it. And you know, like you said, she, you, they adapt often to where they are. Children are much more resilient than we think they are, are parenting them for the first few years of their life. And we are setting them up to, to be able to adapt and to learn those skills, which they surprise us with what they can do, no matter what their needs are and their development. So yes, and then age doesn't mean to say that they will be behind. Um, every child has their own.

Jane Williams: That. Yeah.

Kim: Yeah, their own levels and abilities of what they can do. And um, the schools adapt with that as well as, as the parents do. So yeah, there's no hard and fast rule with the age. Definitely not.

Jane Williams: No, no, I think it's more of a parent's anxiety, isn't it?

Kim: Mhm.

Jane Williams: Um, the children seem to adapt, but the parents are like, oh no, they're so young. Um, but no, they do adapt and they're ready for it. And they surprise us, you know.

Kim: Yeah, I don't know whether this is for something later in the discussion, but it is knowing as a parent that there are certain things that you can do to help them be school ready and other things. Um, it depends on their own levels of um development and the child's needs. So, you know, there are, you can best support your child as much as you can, um, with, with what they are able to do. Um, so it all varies so much.

Jane Williams: It does.

Nicola: That was sort of what I was going to come in with, partly because some parents say to me that, you know, because my child is so young, they might not be consistently toilet trained as an example, they might still be having accidents. And it's just maybe their communication skills aren't as good. And I think it's a fear that, you know, are the school going to adapt to that? Are they going to manage that?

Kim: Mhm. I think it's, there are certain things that you can practice as much as you can at home and general skills. And for each child they will adapt to those differently. But you know, you're, you're practicing things such as toileting and learning how to use the toilet and moving away from nappies. And some children pick that up really fast and some don't, but you're working on it and it's a work in progress. Um, and that's the same with communication. You're talking and interacting with your child. And as a parent, and as a parent, you're trying to do that as much as possible. Um, you know, interacting, playing, talking, which is those skills that they are learning. And they adapt to that as much as they can in that, at that time for that child. Um, so those are the things that we can support and learn, um, together and practice with our children. And sometimes there are developmental needs, which means that that isn't accessible at this stage or later. We don't know. But it's, so some things we look to see how we can adapt what we do with the child because of those developmental needs, um, as opposed to expecting a certain level of expectation all the time.

Nicola: Thank you, Kim, because that's really important. Another question parents often ask is, you know, my child is autistic, they've got ADHD and they don't really meet that checklist at all. So, you know, what does school really mean for them?

Kim: Yeah. So I think that it is really about them, um, going into school with confidence and positivity and being happy. And so as a parent, if you are talking about school in a very positive way with enthusiasm and, um, a certain level of excitement. You don't want to get them hyper excited. Just that, yeah, it's a positive experience. Um, and going in with that sort of approach, um, that the child will feel safe if they are familiar with that setting. And there's been a good transition from the early years, um, setting that they're in, or if a parent can facilitate a good transition and make connections with the school, if they haven't been to a setting that's linked with the school, then the child knows what's going on. It's familiar and it's safe, and you are supporting them to do that. And that's the best you can offer as a parent. You know, you're building that confidence and it's positive and they're enthusiastic.

Jane Williams: And it's working closely with the school, isn't it? And for that child, as you say, to feel safe, if they feel safe and they feel understood, um, and they feel supported they're going to manage the transition a lot smoother. And schools are very geared up and they're very on it. And I think to have a good relationship with the school and for them to know your child, um, and the needs, um, is, is great, but I think it's still, there still needs to be an element that we still need to work with our children to kind of still have to understand a little bit more tolerance that actually, when they're going into a school environment, that things aren't going to happen straight away for them. Um, and actually learning to kind of maybe wait. I know that's a big challenge, but, you know, wait and take turns and, and those sort of things to practice, um, before going into school will really benefit them. Um, because the teacher is going to have a room full of children. And if the, you know, schools are brilliant for adapting, but, um, it's almost like we're going out, outside play, you know, is you will have that, but it's not going to be right now. And I think we can support our children learning to tolerate a little bit of waiting and taking, and kind of what will, will help. Um, and.

Kim: Having to wait. Yes. Yeah. Mhm. And that can be done through play, can't it? At home. That can be done through playing games.

Jane Williams: Yes, yes.

Kim: Um, whether it's a simple kind of um age appropriate board game or you're playing a game outside, a musical statues or something. Um, yeah.

Jane Williams: And even just doing blocks, isn't it, putting one block on with just a one to one, you know, just your turn. You do one, I'll do one.

Kim: You first. Yeah, yeah.

Jane Williams: That they start off basic and then maybe introduce another child into this game. And they will have to wait a bit longer. But visual things like sand timers are always quite handy. Um, that's a lovely visual. Um, wait a minute. And you can build that up to three minutes, five minutes, you know, maybe not push it to ten, but, you know, maybe later on we could. Um, but it's just that initial, yes, you're going to have what you want, but it's not going to be immediate right now. Um, I think to instil that in them, is really beneficial before school.

Kim: Yes, I agree.

Nicola: I was thinking that you mentioned some things that they could be doing with their children at home to prepare them. And I'm just wondering whether you've got any other really good tips for parents to try at home.

Jane Williams: Just doing nursery rhymes and singing songs and just, I know it's very repetitive. Um, but it's, it's great. You know, you're going to sleep singing these songs, but, um, it's really good for their speech development and their language and, and reading books, learning to turn pages, holding books up the right way. Um, and just kind of start getting that kind of curiosity about learning and.

Kim: And discussing as well. When you're looking at those books and the pictures, what's going on in the pictures is not just the words of the stories, but what do you think is happening? How does he feel, that character, and what's going on?

Jane Williams: Yes. Yeah, exactly. You get all the emotions in there.

Kim: Yeah, because it's very much about, you know, understanding what different feelings and emotions are and how that makes me feel. And how can I see that on someone else's face or in their body and learning?

Jane Williams: Having empathy.

Kim: Yeah, what that all means. Um, also just thinking off the top of my head that picture books and stories about doing something new, going to a new place, something that makes you feel, um, a bit worried or nervous. Um, and so you're normalizing that kind of situation because that's what the child is, is going to go through. And, you know, that nervousness is, is good and it's normal and it can, it's excitement as well. Um, yeah, sharing those sorts of things in advance with your child is, will really help them to, to deal with, with the transition. Yeah. And handle it well. Yeah.

Jane Williams: Yeah. And just keep talking really positively, you know, and like everything, you know, from making a packed lunch in the morning and, you know, watch what you put in there and what should we buy at the shops and. Yeah.

Kim: I can remember my children were like, after about the first week. Okay, this is brilliant. Can I stop now? I'm just going to do something else, to go there every day. I hadn't told you that at the beginning, but, um. Yeah, it's quite funny.

Nicola: They suddenly realized, don't they? Yeah. Oh, is this all the time? Yeah.

Jane Williams: Yeah, yeah. Reality hits.

Kim: But yeah, it's the routine, isn't it? And that's really important to understand, there is a routine and that can be actually practiced at home. You know, you've got a regular pattern and order of events. Um, and children really do respond to that well because they know what to expect. So they know that this happens and then that happens. And it's not so much of a surprise when you're suddenly asking them to do the next thing, they know it's coming. And yes, it might be tricky to stop what they were doing, but you're giving them the warning and support, supporting them into that next thing.

Jane Williams: Absolutely.

Kim: So and that's what happens in schools. And like you said, they have the visuals, Jane, that, you know, they'll do the different activities. This is what's going to happen this morning. And they've got a little picture of each thing that's going to happen. And they'll have a monitor maybe who moves the picture on that's been done now. And the next thing is we're going to share a story together. And then it's play. Um, and they know what to expect.

Jane Williams: And the children were safe in that. Don't they know what's coming next? What's going to happen. And you know it's to see a little house picture at the end. So they know they're going home at some point once they've completed. Absolutely.

Kim: Yeah. Exactly. Because you haven't got control otherwise, have you? If you've got someone always telling you what's happening next and you're like, actually, I didn't really want to do that. Can I do this? But if you're more familiar, you know what's happening. Or maybe within that next thing there is a choice. You know, there is a sense of, I own this, I know what's going on. And I'm not being surprised, basically.

Jane Williams: It's quite reassuring to know. Absolutely.

Kim: And for some children, that's more important than for others. Yeah.

Nicola: And I think with the transition as well, I was going to say it's really important if you've had that contact with the school that you've had the visits. Sometimes they can provide you with a photo book, which is particularly useful for any neurodivergent children as well that says, you know, this is my classroom. This is where I'm going to sit. This is my teacher and that kind of thing. So that you can read that over the summer. Um, and as you both said, just practice those skills so they become second nature as much as possible.

Jane Williams: No, I was just going to come back to something else. You said you were saying about the routine. And I think that that is also quite a key thing to prepare children. Um, so your routine, I'd start kind of building that in now. So rather than they start school and all of a sudden you're introducing an early bedtime because they've got school the next day and things like that. So kind of get into the routine of like what we're going to bed at such and such a time. And we get up at this time and, and have that routine. So it's not everything new when they first start school.

Nicola: And I think that's really important, as you say, because it's a new thing. So the more we can keep the same at home, the more confident I think they feel.

Jane Williams: Just keep it as smooth as possible.

Nicola: It makes it a lot easier. Um, so that was the other thing I was then going to think about is what happens when a parent says, oh, if I leave my child with anyone, they're going to cry. You know, they don't want to be left. Um, you know, maybe they struggle with friends at school, struggle with transitions and, and they're very worried. What would you say to parents?

Jane Williams: Oh, you know, we have this within the preschool. Um, so obviously children, you know, and we can, there's lots of things we can do and sometimes it's very slowly, slowly and parents can maybe stay. Sometimes that makes things worse. Um, sometimes you're better off just saying goodbye and go in and you're okay and cuddle and kiss and I'll be back soon.

Kim: It's often, I think, Jane, isn't it, to keep that as short as possible. That goodbye. You don't want to drag it out.

Jane Williams: We found that it is helpful.

Kim: It is. And then the child.

Jane Williams: Because then the parent gets upset and they're upset. Child's upset?

Kim: Yeah. And it's often in that case that the parent feels that that child will be upset and it will last a long time. And it can really actually not last very long at all. They see other things happening. They're being distracted and their attention is diverted. And sometimes a little message back home, or the early years settings often do that, I think, call the parents. It's fine. And schools maybe don't tend to do that, but it is fine and they've got on with it and. Yeah.

Jane Williams: And parents need to be, as you say, reassured. We've had parents kind of literally hand us a crying child and, and those cuddles and kisses and, and, but by the time that parent is out of sight and they've gone through the gates. This child has gone down and they're playing in the sand, in the water and they're laughing and they're happy. And I just have this vision of these poor parents walking out the gates, distraught that their child is probably going to be crying their hearts out.

Nicola: And I must admit, I don't. And I was like that. My, my older two boys particularly, were very tearful. And the ironic thing was my daughter, who was the August birthday, just said, oh, bye, mummy. And off she went. And that was like, oh, okay.

Jane Williams: It's lovely when they do that. But the anxiety.

Kim: You can't predict, can you? You think, yeah, you think it'd be one thing, and then the child does something different. So although you know your child really, really well, and you are the expert as a parent, actually in different settings and different environments, they surprise you. So if you're seeing it in a positive way and this will be okay, that's the best you can do for your child, and that will often really help them to think this will be okay and this is a good thing. And if you share your worries and you're looking worried, that they're only going to pick up on that, even if you're not actually saying those words, they will feel that sense of nervousness.

Nicola: I think that's a really good point.

Jane Williams: Absolutely.

Kim: And I think that's, yeah, showing this is good and you're smiling and then leave the tissues and said goodbye.

Jane Williams: You're going to be fine. You're going to have a brilliant day and you're going to have all your friends and you're going to do lots of things and tell me all about it when you come home and just make it really exciting, rather than kind of holding on to them like, oh, just one more hug, one more kiss, you'll be okay.

Kim: Yeah. And actually, that's something I thought was important to say in this, that this is a transition not just for the child. It's a transition process for the parent. And especially if it's your first child or maybe if it's your last one. So parents need to adapt. Parents need to manage the changes, the expectations and what's going on for them. Their responsibilities are different. You know, they're not in control of everything their child is eating. If they haven't been to an early years setting, you know exactly what your child went to toilet when your child and what they ate and when. Um, obviously it's different if they were in an earlier setting. But yeah, so it is, you know, they can adapt and cope and they really need you to show them that and support them. So they think they can do that. Um, and that you are as positive as you can be. Yeah.

Jane Williams: Well, I think as parents, I think the anxiety is like, well, we know our children better than anyone else. And you're taking someone else to look after them. They don't know them as well as them. What if they do this and then this funny face, which means they need to have this, you know? And I think that's, that's the parents kind of.

Kim: It is. And you know, you understand that, don't you?

Nicola: It's a scary thing, isn't it?

Kim: Yeah.

Jane Williams: Yeah. They don't understand them as well as I do and how they can manage without me, you know, which is all very normal, very natural. I think we all do it.

Kim: Yeah. It's taking that step back. Yeah. There's a saying which I can't. Yeah, I can't remember the saying but it's like, oh, it's giving them wings to fly, isn't it? And this is the one of their first flights. And yeah, they can do it, but they need you to support them. And it doesn't help if you are still clinging onto them.

Nicola: I think you're exactly right. And I think one other thing I was thinking about with children with additional needs or sensory difficulties, you know, the parent would be very worried if they can't cope with noise and crowds and things like that. So actually, I think addressing those things is really important because if you can go as a parent saying it's okay, you can do this because the teachers say you can use your ear defenders or you can use your wobble cushion. And if you can prepare them and encourage them like that, then that's fine. So again, it's important to have those contacts with the school and ensure that's happening, isn't it? So we can, yeah, make them feel safe and happy about going into that environment.

Jane Williams: Yeah.

Kim: I think if you can be positive about school as a parent and communicate, I think it is a wrap around support of school and parents and carers together and you are on the same team and you are supporting that child and that is your aim and that is everyone's aim, and everyone wants to do their best and it can get communications, can get confused and misunderstood. Um, and that's when things can maybe go a bit wrong. So it is, you know, you are on the same team and if you can work together and share that information, that is exactly key. What you've just said. If you know something about your child, if you think it's small and, but you actually think it's quite, you know, vital for the school to know, share it and the school will do the same. You know, let them, let the parents know what works in school, what doesn't. And then together you can set up, you know, the toolkit of what that child needs. And everyone has their own toolkit. It says every single person. And the way I learn better, the way I can access things, what works for me, what doesn't, you know, if we all knew that as adults, in an ideal world, it would be a very different place. Yeah, we can start that now with the children that we've got in schools because we know so much more about how our brains work now, each individual person. So yeah, definitely communication and positive and supportive trust and respect between the schools and the parents really is key.

Jane Williams: Absolutely. Yeah.

Nicola: Yeah, I definitely agree with that. And I think, you say with it in early years, Jane, you would obviously you would be talking to the school and letting them know what the children are like from your point of view as well.

Jane Williams: Transition meetings, and schools are very good. And they come and visit and meet the children. So the children have the opportunity to meet their teacher beforehand. And, and the schools are brilliant at doing like kind of like their little stay and play and, um, you know, teddy bear picnic and things and.

Kim: Introduction transition type activities, aren't they? Yes.

Jane Williams: Yeah, absolutely. They do a brilliant job of it.

Kim: And if a parent is coming in and the child hasn't been at a local early years setting or something like that. They've moved area. You know, there's absolutely no reason why that parent or carer can't contact the school and see what's possible. Um, whether it's visits or like you said, having the photo books, um, just to help build that familiarity for the child and the parents and the carers and they can, um, you know, know what to expect more. There's, you know, you can communicate with the school. Yeah.

Nicola: So another one of the questions that often comes up is, is my child going to be academically ready for school? You know, we hear some children can read, write and things like that and know their colours, know their numbers, you know, what's the reality behind that?

Jane Williams: I think there's way too much pressure on parents and children to be able to write their names. And, and schools don't necessarily want that. What schools are really interested in is your child being school ready means that your child is, um, maybe able to take themselves to the toilet, um, you know, can take turns, can share, um, it's able to enjoy conversation and it's those sort of things that I think schools would appreciate more. I think schools are not pressuring parents to teach their children to write their name, for instance, because schools have a way of teaching how they want the children to write. And if you're teaching your child to write their name in capitals, um, then all of what you're teaching them has got to be undone. Um, for the school to be able to reteach the child how to write their name. So, you know, if your child can count to ten, that's great. But I wouldn't, um, put that, that's, that's what they're going to school to learn, that that's what they will pick up. Um, obviously there's bits you do naturally within preschool, so we're counting and everything. If they haven't got it, if they know all the numbers but not in the right order, it's fine. You just keep going with it, you know. Um, it's quite often they miss out on number. Um, but it's fine. Don't, don't feel like your child needs to know their times tables. And, you know, we put so much pressure on our children to, to learn so much in order to, to keep up with all the others and, and.

Kim: As they're reading and doing games, isn't it? You can be talking about the words, talking about the numbers that you're using and seeing their name written down and being able to recognize that. But it's, it's just part of what you're doing and your playing and your story sharing together. And you don't have to explicitly teach.

Jane Williams: And, and if the children are like painting so they're learning to hold a paintbrush properly, then they'll hold a pen properly. Do you know what I mean? So doing lots of kind of nice big paintings and pictures and things. It's all that. And play with Play-Doh is great as well because that really strengthens up the muscles in the hands. And it's all those sort of things, um, will help hold and grip a pen properly. And so yeah, don't, don't feel you've got to sit there for hours trying to get them to write their letters perfectly and do phonics and whatever.

Nicola: I think that's really reassuring actually, because it is just really about the managing the day to day things, isn't it, like going to toilet and trying to get dressed or at least mostly is actually more helpful, isn't it? And being able to share and play.

Jane Williams: Use a knife and fork. Yeah. It's, it's those sort of things.

Nicola: Which we can all practice and as you say, using Play-Doh to learn to use a knife and fork is really good. Or even scissors because it's so much easier to do it with something like that, isn't it? And that's where we can really support them as parents, isn't it?

Jane Williams: Absolutely. Yes.

Nicola: Thank you very much, Kim and Jane, for coming in and joining me today. I'm sure that's been really helpful for parents. And I just hope that, you know, just realize you're not alone. You know, we all have these worries, but there is support out there for you and the schools will work with you, with your child. So, um, you know, if, if the conversation has helped you, please do share it with another parent if you can.

School readiness for children with additional needs

Preparing a child with additional needs for school might involve a different approach. It might be that some of the check boxes on the list are not achievable. 

If you have concerns about your child being ready for school, make contact with the school and share your concerns. The school should be able to discuss with you how they can welcome your child and adapt to meet their needs. 

One way that you can help your child prepare for starting school is by creating morning and evening routines. Routines are helpful for children with additional needs as they enjoy knowing what is coming next, and find comfort in things being the same every day. You could even practise the getting ready for school routine for a few mornings before they start, or stick a picture on the fridge of what they must do each morning in order (e.g. a picture of uniform, a picture of their toothbrush, etc). 

Your child might also benefit from an extra visit to their new teachers ahead of time, or taking a comforting cuddly friend in to school with them. 

What is school readiness?

School readiness means being prepared for school, having learnt the skills necessary to move through the school day. 

School readiness covers things like a child being able to go to the toilet and wash their hands on their own, as well dress themselves and follow instructions.